snowblindrpg | [network] @Enoch; video; Day 257 [open] [cw: death talk, probably; suicidal ideation]

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[network] @Enoch; video; Day 257 [open] [cw: death talk, probably; suicidal ideation]

[The video opens on a plastic shopping bag, full to straining with rations and bottles of water, an entire week's worth crammed into one little bag, swaying on his arm as he walks. He sounds...well, scared. He's trying to play it off as angry, but it isn't working.]

Well, I suppose I ought to thank you for not leaving me with nothing...

[And the camera comes back up to his face, half-covered in his pastel yellow blanket-scarf and shadowed by the hoods of his cloak and raincoat. His eyes, at least, are frightened and pained.]

But really, Eve, must you use those machines to control my actions? It's entirely too much like being possessed and you surely know I have been. [A sigh, heavy and wavering.] Please, please, if you're going to deny me this, please tell me you revived Beckett, too.

Beckett... [his voice goes soft and he slows, coming to a stop for a few seconds in the snow. His head hangs and for a moment his face is entirely obscured from view. He leans on a building - the house with hot water - but does not go in.] ...Please don't be gone forever. Please let us meet again. I don't want it to be the same as it was with Clayton, I want to see you again!

I'm sorry, I couldn't save you. I tried, I tried, but I couldn't-... [his voice breaks and he keeps moving. He's heading for the school, but that won't be visible for some time yet. For now, the surroundings become the empty field around it.]

Brian, I'm sorry. Angel, Rhys, you too, forgive me. You love him too and I failed him. [His voice hitches again, but he's exerting himself too much to actually stop and cry.]

Right, I'm-...recording for everyone, I-... I'm sorry, I'm alive. I can't seem to control what I say or write but I'm alive. And I don't know yet that it's worth it that I am.

[That last bit, under his breath, might have been lost on the wind to those not paying close attention. He continues his walk towards the school, only silent in the effort of moving forward. It is occasionally punctuated by complaints about the cold and the way the plastic bag's handles bite into his arm even through his coat's sleeve, when he pauses for even a moment.]

((ooc: Because Enoch lacks any sort of communication filter, he may comment on text posts running concurrently with audio/video posts, including inbox and filtered posts. Let me know if you do NOT want him bringing up any other threads or commenting on yours in others!))

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[Enoch's abject misery doesn't even really register.]

blondie!
welcome back to the land of the dubiously living
what'd you see when you latched onto the cloak?
hoodie got a vid of you heading out
where'd you go?

It isn't your fault that awful things happen here Mister Enoch
I'm sure you did the best you could so please don't beat yourself up so much
I'm glad to see that you're alive again
I really miss you

Please stay safe

Enoch...

ihave
stuff
you rs

whyare
sor ry ?

*He wants to be friends with this guy, so Manny's glad he's back.*

Enoch...its good that you're back. Sort of, except that its here.

[He doesn't really get to his text responses until he's made it to the school shed. He mutters aloud to himself to turn the video off, but, well. He said himself he can't control what he writes, either. House gets a rapid-fire series of messages.]

House

Thank God you've opened with something sensible. I don't know that I would be able to stand anything else from you, however much it pains me to say it. If only I wasn't too broken to speak to you normally anymore.

It's strange how it doesn't even look like saying too much until I've committed it to the network. This is embarrassing, and I fear you'll take advantage of it to deliberately hurt me now.

This is ridiculous.

There was nothing in there. It felt like ice.

It was going southeast I think. I was near frozen to death when I had my wits about me enough to care.

[He doesn't start answering text replies until he's settled down for the night, meaning Quark must wait a while. When he does he gets a series of messages.]

Oh, Quark, I wish I could say that but I've seen the video Brian made. I wanted to scream at myself, I saw so many things I could have done but didn't. Maybe I could have saved him, if I'd done those things instead, if I had woken up earlier and wasn't so blinded by the fear of losing him.

I miss you too, Quark. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, either. I've been wanting to say that so often since we were separated but it feels as if my heart turns to lead whenever I try to compose a message to you.

You shouldn't have to be hearing this. Reading this. I'm sorry.

You stay safe as well. That's more important, your safety.

There's no way for any of us to stay safe here
not me or anyone else
no matter how hard we might try
so please

Don't blame yourself. At least not for me. Neither of us knew it was going to happen.

I mean, at least you were trying to help someone. You could've, I dunno, followed it out into the snow just because you wanted to see where it'd go. Like some people. Me, I mean me, I did that.

Cold, so cold, can't I ever be accustomed to- oh, someone's-...

[He lifts the tablet as he speaks so he can look at who is talking to him, wearied eyes flicking over the username a few times.]

"user", I know that name, where did I speak- oh yes, Winter's post, you were the one who seemed to know more than he let on, and that was so insensitive to say, I'm sorry. You hide any trace of a name, that's something I didn't think to take note of, and oh, I've done it again...I should stop talking before I pry too much. I apologize again.

[Thankfully, with the brisk pace of his travel and the cold stinging his lungs with every breath, he runs out of air to keep talking and gives chaos a chance to speak.]

My things were still there! Oh thank Heaven, I thought they were gone forever when I woke without them. And thank you for keeping them, Brian, it must be a burden to you. I will try to meet with you to reclaim my things as soon as I can. I don't know how long I'll be, I haven't opened the map yet to guess.

I'm sorry because I failed. He's your friend, too, and I couldn't save him. I've watched the video and seen so many opportunities I could have done something different, maybe it could have worked, maybe I could have saved him, spared you the pain of losing him. But I was too blinded by the fear of the same that I could think of nothing but attack without reason.

where are
?

youdid more than
me

*He, who started out sure that Beckett would be able to handle it and ended up frozen in shock/fear.*

I was a bit preoccupied at the time, that's all.

I did not mean to be so evasive.

[About a name, anyway.]

I'm chaos.

Hello. Manny, wasn't it? I'd honestly rather be brought back here if I'm to be brought back at all. I've too many mistakes to atone for and too many promises to keep. Beckett, Clayton, Clem, Frisk and Toriel, Andromeda and Winter, Samantha, all the spirits I've prayed for and promised my aid.

I can't let them down. If I must live, I want it to be here until we are done.

If we'd stayed together we could have avoided it. There's always another way and sending you away was a mistake. But Lucifel isn't here and if he were he wouldn't have his powers so there's nothing I can do to correct it. I can see it as if we could, as if we'd had his power to aid us but we don't. I must blame myself, it was my actions that did this. My choice.

[A beat, and then:]

I've just been told you were injured, how badly are you hurt? Was someone able to help you?

Yep.

I'm sure just your trying helps them.

*Weren't Andromeda and Winter names associnated with this place? What could Enoch have promised them?*

You saw one, too? Well I can hardly fault that, curiosity is valid and we do want to know where they came from, don't we? And it was stressful and confusing. What were they? I don't know that I would have followed it had no one died but-

[his voice half cuts out abruptly as his chest tightens:] oh I can't believe I couldn't save him, no I can't cry I can't stop moving, it hurts out here, too cold...

[There's a space of silence as he catches his breath through a sudden tight throat. His steps falter before picking up again. But at least he's given Stephen a window of time to reply.]

yeah yeah
i got the living blizzard thing when i tackled it, too

southeast, though
southeast in what area?
you're in the industrial zone, aren't you?
excellent!
heading back to the sealed building
probably some kinda beacon in there
good work

[House just ignores the rest of the rambling. It's not relevant right now. He does make note of it, though. Something to consider later on.]

I'm in the shed by the school now.

But Brian, it's okay that you froze, some people do that. You can't help how your mind was made to react. If I had seen a better weapon, if I had done something different, and I'm just going to press send before I

[...Kind of remarkable he managed to type that while also going for the send button.]

[You can bet he'll be capitalizing that in text.]

It's nice to meet you properly, chaos. You'll have to forgive me for being in a state where I'm liable to babble on like a fool, but that's a strange name for parents to give their child. I'm sorry if you had to grow up with such an ominous name. If you were given the name or grew up at all- I'm...going to have a drink of water so my mouth is occupied.

[And he does just that. This is fairly irritating, but at least he's learning how to handle it as well as he can.]

iam stillin
in dust rial

*Not sure if he has it in him to go that far back.

And he won't respond to that last part because he doesn't really understand how he feels about how he feels. It was hard enough to communicate with people when he ~~thought he~~ understood something.*

I have no idea what that thing was, and that absolutely terrifies me. It wasn't even trying when it broke my fingers, and I don't think it would have noticed me at all if I hadn't gotten in the way of it taking the parts from the tablet. That wasn't a fight anyone was going to win, though maybe if I'd thought to light it on fire it'd be different -- I have flammables from when I was thinking of trying to firebomb the thing in the morgue --

[A half-formed plan from weeks ago that before now he's never mentioned to anyone because he knows full well how stupid and suicidal it is.]

Where I'm from I suppose my name is not so unusual. At least, nobody's commented on it.

[Normally he has his ways of making sure people don't think too hard about his more unusual traits but, eh, details.]

If you wish we can speak later, when you are less... likely to say something you fear you might regret later.

Perhaps for the spirits, but it will be for nothing if we do not succeed. Whenever a new session begins, it's as if the previous never happened. There was no record of another session before us until parts of it appeared on the network without warning. Do the spirits remember? We can't be the first to have people who wanted to speak to them. I wonder if there are any who I can ask. Most don't or can't answer.

Thank you. I think.

I admit that wasn't the reaction I was expecting.

I can do nothing but admit, however.

The strange shadows before went the same direction when they left.

We need to get in there. The cult of the Prophet was clearly dangerous and any who seem to revere killing and torture as they do can't have anything good in mind for us.

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[network] @Enoch; video; Day 257 [open] [cw: death talk, probably; suicidal ideation]

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