Heeeeeeeey, Norfinbutts! You know that whole deal with stuff just passing through the monster things unless you're throwing pieces of junk at them or whatever? Yeah, I fixed that. What with me being pretty much the coolest and most creative person here and all. I stabbed the fuck out of a big dumb crab.

But hold your applause! It's no big deal that I've been here, like, eight whole minutes and have made more progress on the monster-murdering research front than anyone else. Cool your collective jets. I know it's impressive, but seriously. Man.

[ There's a slight pause, during which Vriska might be waving down applause that isn't actually happening. IT'S AUDIO, SUCKERS, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. The silence doesn't last long, though, because oh dang does Vriska ever love to hear herself talk. ]

Anyway! The monster didn't die. Which doesn't mean I am giving up! That wasn't the only iron I had in the fire. I have so many more plans! Secret plans. Which are secret, but incredibly awesome. And before anyone calls BS on me stabbing the thing, I got footage. Bluh bluh don't watch it if you are a squalling wailing wussy wimpy-wimp wiggler who fearbarfs when watching incredibly violent stuff.

[ Attached is a video in which Vriska does hold her own pretty well against a freaky crab monster. While armed with a sharpened curtain pole that's been painted blue. Unfortunately, when she takes the opportunity to leap in and deliver what should be a deathblow, the crab gives zero fucks and doesn't seem to even notice.

The video dissolves into static soon after, but not before it shows Vriska getting grabbed by the monster and passing out. Oh yeah she might have died a little again did she forget to mention that bit ]