snowblindrpg | [network] @ADMIN; Obituary [Day 102]

[ Well. There it is. Tim knows all the names on the obituary this time round, but it's the last one that leaves him breathless from screaming, beating at the walls with his chair leg until it finally snaps because this wasn't supposed to happen again.

He can hope for Jay to come back, sure. But how often does that happen? And when is Tim ever that lucky? ]

fuck this

[ What else is there to say? Or do? He's always felt vaguely directionless here, but at least he's been happy. Ish. By his standards. Now it's all beyond pointless. ]

Edited 2016-03-30 15:18 (UTC)

Jesus Christ. Tim, I'm so sorry.
Do you want to talk about it?

[ The response takes a while, because Tim has to wade through like five oceans of tears. It's awful. ]

nothing much to say, right
I was too late getting to him
again
and he died alone
again

It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have predicted that we'd be moved like this, or where he'd be moved to. Please don't beat yourself up for that.

[ Even after the emotionally draining week she's had, Jade somehow finds the energy to feel like she's been punched in the gut.

The obituaries always make her sad, but this time she's also scared out of her mind; this is too similar to her last conversation with Rose. God, Tim even found out long after the fact, too. And he's so close yet barely out of her reach, just like Rose, what if something happens and she's too late to stop it, or even help -

It's a little hard to breathe for a minute, and her chest still hurts. She needs to sit down.

Jade slides down to the floor against a wall, after weakly brushing away some rubble with her foot out of habit-- if there's anything sharp left, she isn't registering that right now. ]

god, i dont even know what to say....
would you rather be alone right now?

at the risk of sounding like a grossly overgrown emo kid
yeah
p sure it's for the best
since this keeps fucking happening

[ It's so easy to sink back into that mindset. So easy. Tim is toxic, a personification of the sickness he carries. Everyone who gets too close ends up dead, insane, or both. No more. ]

oh

[ Oh, no. Another wave of nauseating anxiety prevents her from answering for a few minutes. ]

please dont dismiss your feelings like that!
......or at least try not to
its hard for me to tell if you are being flippant
which just makes me worry even more because i dont want to upset you OR let you deal with this stuff on your own :'(
i think whats for the best is whatever is best for you ok?
i promise im not going anywhere

[ That should dance around what keeps happening nicely; she's trying not to provoke him into revealing anything he wouldn't under normal circumstances. Whatever happened to Tim, Jade only wants to find out on his terms, if ever. ]

Edited 2016-03-30 22:35 (UTC)

it's fine ok everything is fine
being dismissive is part of the tim experience
I mean ok sure I COULD sit down and think about this
like really think about it
let in all the grief and guilt or w/e
start choking on my own snot and tears and cough myself into a blackout
or
*or*
I could stick with "fuck this" and liberal amounts of sarcasm
hard choice right
I should chew on that for a while

[ Oh hey here's the bit where Tim lashes out at people to drive them away, how unexpected ]

[ That... kind of hurt. Her face is uncomfortably hot for a moment as she wonders if this is doing more harm than good. ]

but you WILL think about it
even if youre trying not to as hard as you claim

[ Those hypothetical consequences are also really specific. Suspiciously so. Jade's never heard of seizures caused by coughing fits, either -- that's what he means by "blackout", right? -- but this is quickly shoved to the back of her mind. ]

i [ still ] dont know if im any good at consoling people, but i have lost friends before
i insisted i was fine too
although i never tried to push people away like i think you are doing
umm
im not shaming you or anything
its just that i kind of know how you feel, and i did not handle it very well
grief is shitty enough already [ the implication is that she blames herself for everything, too. ]

[ Jade you are not making this whole pushing-people-away business easy IT'S VERY INCONVENIENT

LIKE THIS IS MAKING IT HARDER FOR TIM TO JUST WITHER AWAY IN A CORNER PLS BE MORE CONSIDERATE

Meaning okay, time to up the ante on the lashing out business. Douchebag, ho! ]

you know how I feel huh
ok
sorry to hear that you are ALSO personally directly responsible for the deaths of literally everybody you've ever been close to
that's rough buddy
probs best we never meet in person again cause with our combined luck a fucking fissure would open up in the earth and swallow up everyone in a five mile radius

[ A choked sob escapes before she can help it, but after that Jade is quiet except for the occasional sniffle. Being rejected like this is awful, and the fact that she has killed a lot of people she's close to is even worse.

Congrats, Tim; you literally said the most hurtful thing possible. ]

youre not fooling me!!
i know this is a shitty attempt to make me hate you for some reason
you have been really funny and considerate and nice until now so this is transparently a front!!!

[ ...She's still not giving up though. ]

but for the record.....
i HAVE been responsible for people i care about dying
i killed a few of them myself
and considering i had met maybe a dozen people in person before coming here
thats pretty close to literally everybody

[ WELL now he feels like an asshole. A grade-A asshole, where the A stands for Alex "motherfucker" Kralie. That level of asshole. Like, for reals assholery. The kind of asshole behaviour that makes people stop in the street and gasp "MY GOD, WHAT AN ASSHOLE" when they walk by. ASS. HOLE.

He doesn't even get to feel satisfied over it, since the whole 'misery loves company' thing has never applied to him at all. Making other people sad isn't a victory, it's fucking bullshit.

And yet, the need to be a douche...

It beckons. ]

oh
so what's changed for you
because I haven't seen you kill anybody since you got here
or make them sick
or both
teach me your ways sensei
save snowhell from timothy "deathbringer" wright

[ We are now at the "Tim is using a fucking bulldozer" stage of pushing people away. HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS KIDDOS ]

[ Okay, wow. She needs a minute. Just to get the worst of the shakiness out of her system.

She puts her tablet on the ground and cries as quietly as possible for a few minutes, knees drawn up to her chest and face buried in her arms.

THIS SUCKS EVERYTHING SUCKS ]

but i dont think you have killed anyone here either!
otherwise you would have tried to scare me off at the start
i dont know what kind of sickness you are talking about and i dont want to find out right now!!!
not like this

I've been here since the start of all this
and every single person I've spent too much time with has died
jay died twice
alex died
clarke died
lancer died
freya died
ellana died
clayton and al both spent a long time dead even tho they came back
now let's see
what connects all these people
they're from diff worlds
no single gender race or species
the only thing that connects all of them is ME
every single person I've called friend
or enemy even
EVERY SINGLE ONE
is dead
and before you mention brian
sure, he's not dead here rn
ask him about back home
ask who pushed him out of a window
ask who killed him

[ There.

That should do it. ]

[ Sorry Tim were you thinking this was over because hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ]

the only important thing connecting them is this place!!!!
just like EVERYONE who has died here!!
and

[ She feels a little light-headed at this revelation. ]

and there is more to this than you are saying
you would never hurt a friend on purpose
not in your right state of mind
so you must not have known it was him
......
it was the mask, wasnt it? you did not recognize him

[ There were extenuating circumstances - for both of them. Tim wouldn't kill anyone if he didn't think his life was threatened. And Brian... wasn't always like this. Something happened to him, changed him so he was unrecognizable. The pieces of Snowhell's shittiest puzzle are coming together, kind of. ]

Edited 2016-04-01 14:57 (UTC)

does that even matter
doesn't change the fact I killed him and didn't have to
unless just straight-up murdering mystery mask dudes seems ok to you? but I'm guessing not so
how about we agree on the fact I'm a headcase and better off alone
thx in advance

of course it matters! good people can still make mistakes
its ok if you want to be alone, but you dont HAVE to as some kind of punishment
why would it even matter if youre a headcase?? whatever that even means???
its not mutually exclusive with being a good person

donot
stop

you must keep
move ing

*Do not make him come find you and drag you around.*

thx bro but I don't remember signing up for text updates to your patented workout plan
what number should I text UNSUBSCRIBE to

[ a s s h o l e ]

*Tim, you make it hard to friend. And even harder to want to.*

ifyou
s t o p
itwill be point less empty no thing
you willnot

you must not
not

it's pointless either way lbr
like
sure I can wander around aimlessly like it's going to matter
but
it's
not
I'm not looking for anything
there's nothing here but bullshit covering more bullshit
and before you give me some spiel about finding answers
don't
that's you not me
I haven't given a rat's ass about answers for a long time
since jay died trying to find them tbh
answers can eat SHIT

*Uuuuugh. This Tim is so annoying. Maybe if this one just lets himself waste away the other one will be around more often. At least he knows how to work with that one. Either way he's done with this for now.*

no

good talk, buddy

[ OPERATION PUSH EVERYONE AWAY IS WORKING OUT JUST SWELL ]

[Oh, Tim...

He and Jay had been together for as long as he could recall seeing them on the network, save those first few days where everyone was getting their bearings. And now...]

I'm so sorry.

yeah
me too
it's a pain in the ass
you leave a guy alone for five goddamn minutes and this happens
typical jay tbh

[ yaaaaaay flippancy yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy ]

It's how friends are, isn't it?

[Tone in text is hard.]

Is there anything I can do to help? I know the possibility he may return isn't always comforting.

[network] @ADMIN; Obituary [Day 102]

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