warriorscribe: (So what you mean is...)
Enoch ([personal profile] warriorscribe) wrote in [community profile] snowblindrpg2017-07-07 03:14 pm

[network] @Enoch; video; Day 257 [open] [cw: death talk, probably; suicidal ideation]

[The video opens on a plastic shopping bag, full to straining with rations and bottles of water, an entire week's worth crammed into one little bag, swaying on his arm as he walks. He sounds...well, scared. He's trying to play it off as angry, but it isn't working.]

Well, I suppose I ought to thank you for not leaving me with nothing...

[And the camera comes back up to his face, half-covered in his pastel yellow blanket-scarf and shadowed by the hoods of his cloak and raincoat. His eyes, at least, are frightened and pained.]

But really, Eve, must you use those machines to control my actions? It's entirely too much like being possessed and you surely know I have been. [A sigh, heavy and wavering.] Please, please, if you're going to deny me this, please tell me you revived Beckett, too.

Beckett... [his voice goes soft and he slows, coming to a stop for a few seconds in the snow. His head hangs and for a moment his face is entirely obscured from view. He leans on a building - the house with hot water - but does not go in.] ...Please don't be gone forever. Please let us meet again. I don't want it to be the same as it was with Clayton, I want to see you again!

I'm sorry, I couldn't save you. I tried, I tried, but I couldn't-... [his voice breaks and he keeps moving. He's heading for the school, but that won't be visible for some time yet. For now, the surroundings become the empty field around it.]

Brian, I'm sorry. Angel, Rhys, you too, forgive me. You love him too and I failed him. [His voice hitches again, but he's exerting himself too much to actually stop and cry.]

Right, I'm-...recording for everyone, I-... I'm sorry, I'm alive. I can't seem to control what I say or write but I'm alive. And I don't know yet that it's worth it that I am.

[That last bit, under his breath, might have been lost on the wind to those not paying close attention. He continues his walk towards the school, only silent in the effort of moving forward. It is occasionally punctuated by complaints about the cold and the way the plastic bag's handles bite into his arm even through his coat's sleeve, when he pauses for even a moment.]

((ooc: Because Enoch lacks any sort of communication filter, he may comment on text posts running concurrently with audio/video posts, including inbox and filtered posts. Let me know if you do NOT want him bringing up any other threads or commenting on yours in others!))
cosmicwords: (So I'm stuck in this desert for eternity)

voice; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-11 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
[chaos switches to private message, for Enoch's sake.]

I was just going to tell you to not be so hard on yourself.

I'm sure your friends wouldn't blame you for what happened.
cosmicwords: (Earth’s geology will grind on.)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-11 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, but...

Your companion has free will as well. It was his will to curl around those computer chips. I doubt there was much you could have done in the heat of the moment to prevent that.
cosmicwords: (should I roam again up yonder hill?)

voice; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-11 10:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[chaos is silent as Enoch weeps. Pain... it's a hard thing to endure and hard to watch at times, but sometimes it is necessary to let someone feel it. Enoch needs a wordless moment to feel this.

So he says nothing but the sound of his breathing and moving around indicates he is still there, still listening and watching for Enoch can speak again.]


cosmicwords: (Noli me vocare ego te vocabo)

voice-video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-11 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[chaos switches over to video. Maybe having a face to see will help Enoch feel less like he is speaking to thin air.

When the camera clicks on it shows a slight youth with dark skin, silver hair and translucent eyes that brim with melancholy.]


If you need to cry then don't hold back your tears for my sake.

I think....it's important you feel pain. Just reflect on it as it comes.

Feel how deep it goes and how potent it is. Then...simply by knowing it....it won't have so much power and you can go on living.

Feel your sorrow, acknowledge it, and let it pass...
cosmicwords: (Totum dependeat.)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-12 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
[chaos offers a smile, though it doesn't quite spread to his eyes.]

We all need to express grief sometimes, Enoch. Please don't worry about being judged for something like that.

People worry because they care about you. Empathy, it's....

...It binds us.

[A flash of pain crosses his expression for a brief moment, then it's gone.]

cosmicwords: (Rats live on no evil star)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-12 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
I do know loss.

[He'll admit it.]

Doesn't everyone? I think anyone with a consciousness also has things that weigh on their hearts, like certain memories.

I don't mind being reminded. It's important to remember.
cosmicwords: (My long forgotten cloistered sleep)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-25 02:01 am (UTC)(link)
[The video winks on and chaos smiles a smile that does not quite reach his eyes.]

Mm.

[Enoch's voice sounds different. The frantic note is gone.]

...Did you find the answers you sought?

[chaos had been watching the conversation on his own end, of course, how could he not?]
Edited 2017-07-25 05:04 (UTC)
cosmicwords: (fall into Jupiter in a submarine)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-26 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
That's a good way to approach the situation, I think.

The two of you are close, aren't you?
cosmicwords: (Sic faciunt omnes.)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-26 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
That's good.

I'd like to hope that everyone can find a friend like that.

I'm sure your presence brings him peace too, Enoch, even if he never mentions it.
cosmicwords: (firing nuclear missiles at hurricanes)

video; private

[personal profile] cosmicwords 2017-07-27 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
[chaos, at least, does know what maintaining two conversations at once is like. The technology of his own world has allowed for it for quite some time, and even if it hadn't his crewmates on the Elsa had a way of juggling perhaps three entirely different conversations at once. Usually while shouting.]

Is something still wrong?

[He asks the question with a smile.]