Alphonse Elric (
armoured) wrote in
snowblindrpg2017-09-03 09:36 am
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[network] @LELRIC; day 276; morning [open]
[It's been a while since Al has addressed everyone, since he's helped the newcomers out as much as he should, since he's been himself. But he's here now, voice still young sounding but having lost the weariness he's had over the past few weeks. There's determination there again now, a fire that won't go out.]
I owe an apology... actually, I owe a lot.
There are people that I hurt when I wasn't myself, people that I scared, and I'm sorry. I should have said that earlier but-- but I was scared, I didn't want to see what I'd done, and I thought it was best if I just left you all alone. I understand that some of you might not want to see me again, or talk to me, or trust me; that's okay. I'll let you come to me, or not, it's your choice.
There are also people who tried to comfort me and tell me that it wasn't my fault, and I turned my back on them and ran away. I'm sorry, you were right. It wasn't my fault, just like it wasn't the fault of anyone else here, and I only realised that because of some things two people said to me. Dr. Watson told me that I'm not special, that I shouldn't have thought I could fight it if everyone else couldn't, and he was right. None of us are exempt from this, and we need to stop behaving like when it's us, when it's personal, then it's different. And the Cat told me that he knew it wasn't me, because he knew I did everything with my whole heart so if I'd been fighting it, then I'd been fighting with my whole heart too and that meant there was nothing else I could do.
He's right.
And I'm still going to put my whole heart into fighting this, and I'm not going to break, I'm just not. I've lost too many people who would be so angry with me for giving up, I don't want all of that loss and all of this pain to be for nothing. So I'm still here to help if anyone needs me, and I'll still try to protect everyone if I can. And I hope... I hope you'll all do the same.
Uh-- that's it.
I owe an apology... actually, I owe a lot.
There are people that I hurt when I wasn't myself, people that I scared, and I'm sorry. I should have said that earlier but-- but I was scared, I didn't want to see what I'd done, and I thought it was best if I just left you all alone. I understand that some of you might not want to see me again, or talk to me, or trust me; that's okay. I'll let you come to me, or not, it's your choice.
There are also people who tried to comfort me and tell me that it wasn't my fault, and I turned my back on them and ran away. I'm sorry, you were right. It wasn't my fault, just like it wasn't the fault of anyone else here, and I only realised that because of some things two people said to me. Dr. Watson told me that I'm not special, that I shouldn't have thought I could fight it if everyone else couldn't, and he was right. None of us are exempt from this, and we need to stop behaving like when it's us, when it's personal, then it's different. And the Cat told me that he knew it wasn't me, because he knew I did everything with my whole heart so if I'd been fighting it, then I'd been fighting with my whole heart too and that meant there was nothing else I could do.
He's right.
And I'm still going to put my whole heart into fighting this, and I'm not going to break, I'm just not. I've lost too many people who would be so angry with me for giving up, I don't want all of that loss and all of this pain to be for nothing. So I'm still here to help if anyone needs me, and I'll still try to protect everyone if I can. And I hope... I hope you'll all do the same.
Uh-- that's it.
@user; voice
But maybe he can offer a discussion, something that's been worrying him, that can help people vent their sorrow and anger towards something constructive.]
I wonder why this sort of phenomenon keeps happening...?
Is it the beast trapped beneath the ice, the spirits and memories still trapped within this place, our nanomachines, or something we haven't yet considered?
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I'm not sure, but Mr. Beckett thinks that maybe it's just-- like an echo, like the same thing repeating over and over as we get caught in memories.
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I think the idea has merit.
Memories don't belong to only one person, after all, they belong to entire groups.
But I wonder how it is those memories so easily take hold...
Is it absurd to wonder if our own nanomachines once belonged to the original residents of the town?
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[What a horrible thought.]
I don't know enough about machines to even guess.
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If the machines were theirs and we are living through their memories then maybe we are also carrying their biometric data. Maybe then, through us, this town can live again.
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Like I said, memories don't belong to just one person.
There might be a way to load the data into one of the machines or even into Andromeda or Winter. Even if those people never come back, parts of them will be here. What they have done can inform the future.
And, maybe...
And maybe the town itself will one day again be able to host life again.
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I guess it's technically already hosting life now.
[He can't help but think of Liore and Ishval, ravaged by uprisings and civil war, still with pockets of hope ready to rise again.]
We just need to find a way to break the cycle, if that's really what it is.
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It seems to be. But cycles can be broken.
I think that's why we're here; to heal the world and end the cycle.
All I am saying is this data we hold may be part of the key....
It could hold within it clues about what happened and what might be done to prevent it from happening again.
With those memories, the deaths of the original citizens don't have to ultimately be meaningless.
[A pause.]
Of course my assumptions about biometric data are based entirely on the way this world seems to warp people into being as close to human as possible. Almost as if hosts for the nanomachines are valuable. This warping even applies to those of us who could survive better if not human.
It's a flimsy line of reasoning, so I could be entirely wrong. I really don't know all that much about nanomachines, not even the ones from my own world.
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@mlaurin, voice
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[There's a brief hesitation, but he owes this guy more than that.]
Thank you for what you tried to do, I'm sorry that I didn't listen.
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*He felt pretty similar. He was able to push through it and at least try to be helpful. But he hadn't been here nearly as long as Al.*
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[Not totally, there's still guilt there.]
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*Maybe a lifetime's worth but whatever.*
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[No matter what else he's sorry for, that wasn't something he got wrong.]
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@beyonce | audio
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[It's quiet, but there's a huge depth of emotion behind it. Stephen is one of the people he hurt, so to hear forgiveness coming from him is deeply meaningful.]
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, I'm sorry that you had to suffer it twice because of me.
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[He'd clung to it, more for himself than for Al at the time.]
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[Stephen is a good man.]
It's amazing how many people seem to think like you do about this, it really shows how strong people are at their core.
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[Sometimes he wishes he weren't so strong. Sometimes he thinks it would be easier just to break, to give in -- but hell, he's never been able. Not indefinitely.]
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[Even if that's an impossible task.]
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Y-Yeah, I promise, nothing will ever stop me being me.
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