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[network] @Spoiler; died awesomely; Night 111 [open] cw: suicidal ideation, death

[ Video ]

So...

[ It is after lockdown and Steph looks flushed, both with cold and delight. She's sitting outside the locked door to the post office. She doesn't know quite what to say for a moment. She probably should have waited until she had that figured out to make this post. ]

So, I think we all know what happens next. And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I took a chance, and I know that this doesn't just affect me.

[ She tries to keep a straight face, but she can't help a grin at the memory of skateboarding through frickin ice stalagmites in a life or death race against time. ]

But I also want to say that it was totally worth it. Turns out it takes most of the day to get through the tunnels to the post office, even on a skateboard. And it was completely awesome. If there's a way to win at dying, I'm pretty sure I just did it. So take that, Snowhell.

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[ There is just way too much going on tonight. House pops an extra Vicodin before replying. ]

try to jam your notes under the post office door or whatever
catch you on the flip side, kid

[ Or not... ]

I'll do what I can.

To be honest, I mostly wanted the chance to say goodbye.

sure
whatever

at least you're being classier about it than that vampire schmuck was

text

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[This is the first time America has publicly been on video since before his altercation with The Joker. It's obvious why--he has chemical burns on the left side of his face. His cheek and forehead, missing his eyes thanks to his glasses. They're not actually that bad, and they are healing, but America's always been a bit vain.

Still, here, when Steph is going to die soon, he'll smile at her even if his heart clearly isn't in it.]

That's a pretty cool way to go if you're gonna.

[ She winces in sympathy at his wounds, but she's not about to mention them outright. ]

That's what I was thinking.

I'm really sorry about this, America.

Hey, don't worry about it! [He's the one who should be apologizing, but he's pretty sure people don't like it when he apologizes for stuff like this.] I'll just hang out with you for as long as you want.

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[It's clear immediately what's happened, and Steve has to cover his mouth and blink hard against the stinging in his eyes. He pauses the video immediately, staring at the frozen screen for a few moments. He touches Peggy's hand to let her know he's going, then leaves her with the kids and goes into the clinic's tiny bathroom, closing the door behind him and sitting on the edge of the tub. He starts the video over. When the file ends, he sits and stares at his tablet for a long time, and... OK, maybe has a tiny little cry that nobody has to know about. When he has himself mostly under control again, he starts a voice message; he's not sure he can do the face thing, just at the moment.

He can't even yell at her, after her apology. She took a risk, and maybe it was a stupid risk, but she actually did put thought into it. And then there's the way she's facing death with a grin on her face, brash and brave. Dammit, Steph.]

Christ, Steph. [Not yelling. He just sounds tired.] What was so damned important you couldn't wait until the weather changed?

...Skateboarding. You lunatic. [There's actually a fond smile there, which should come through in his voice. He shakes his head.] Yeah, I think—I think you probably won. We'll get you a medal when you come back.

...You want some company?

[ What was so important? She just needed to be selfish for a little bit. She needed to throw herself against the wall. And, well... it sucks, having to let people know that she died for something that useless, but it's worth it for the chance to say goodbye to everyone. She knows her odds. They're not good.

She snorts despite herself when he calls her a lunatic. ]

I knew that board was trouble the minute it walked in.

It'd be nice to have something to do.

[Steve lets out a watery sort of laugh.]

Did it fly you to places you'd never been?

[Yes, this is Captain America admitting he listens to Taylor Swift.

Steve nods to himself. He can keep her company. He can do that for her. ...Hell, what do you even talk about to someone who's dying, though? He clenches his jaw against a rush of grief, swallows it down.

You can do this, Rogers. You've done it before, plenty of times.]

...Tell me about this completely awesome skateboard ride, then.

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[As soon as the video turns on, after lockdown and showing her outside Leon knows what's going on. He touches Sheena's shoulder to alert her, then slowly walks outside the small room to be alone when he starts his reply.]

I bet it was awesome- [He sounds... calm. He may be upset because she condamned herself in a very stupid way, she should have waited for the weather to get better, but there's no reason in yelling against someone who is about to die] but don't cry victory too soon, I bet you will return to us in a couple of days or so.

[He then takes a small pause. House already told her to leave her notes if she can, so...]

Did you get, at least, to yell stupid things while skateboarding? That's part of the fun.

Win the battle, worry about the war later, I guess.

[ She's not sure if that's more morbid than it is badass. Probably. ]

I got the whole thing on tape, actually. I was a little worried the roof was gonna fall in on me, I was laughing so hard.

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[As he watches the video, Zach feels all of his good feelings from getting Kesara and Terezi back leave him. God, she's going to freeze to fucking death, and that's just. So fucked.]

Gotta admit that's cool. Did you film it?

[Still, she's outside after lockdown. And she looks like she's happy about it, like she doesn't care about dying, which is - well. fuck. Zach doesn't really know what to say about that.]

Goddamn, Steph. I wish I could - I don't know. I hate that you're alone.

Edited 2016-05-01 21:15 (UTC)

Like I'd skateboard through the valley of icy death and not record it?

[ Her smile is wavering - she's feeling a lot of different things and most of them are guilt and sympathetic grief. It's weird, mourning her own loss. Weirder than waking up after you've died. ]

I... I'm okay, Zach. You guys are here, and... [ And she's heard that freezing to death isn't too bad, really. That after you go numb you just stop caring, and it's like falling asleep. God, she's really going to die. She hits send before her lips can really start wobbling. Get it together, Steph.

She attaches the video of the whole event, which is mostly swooping shots of icy stalagmites zooming by, occasionally catching a glimpse of Steph's side, or the ground. She's laughing and whooping the whole thing through, and after a particularly wide arc around one stalagmite she screams "cowafuckingbunga!" ]

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[After a lot of cursing and yelling, he'll talk to her. Don't mind him sounding exhausted and his voice sounding like crap.]

Yo, Steph. [Swallowing hard.] Where did you even find a skateboard? That's pretty cool.

[ She can't really hold it against him. She'd do the same, in his place. ]

In the shed by the school. It was a lucky find, in great condition. I rode it some through the school and the hospital.

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Steph...

[His voice is soft, but that can't hide the pain that leaks in. He wants to lecture her. He should lecture her not to do something this stupid again, just in case she comes back.

But what if she doesn't? What if this is the last time he ever speaks to her?

He can't. He just can't.]

Did you know that if you connect a battery to both ends of a piece of pencil lead, you can create a decent light?

[ At least he knows she wasn't being stupid, assuming she'd come back the next day and be fine. That's comforting, in a weird way. ]

No, I didn't know that. Did you know you can turn on a lightbulb with electricity from a potato?

ahahaha

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Yanno, kiddo, if you were going to go get yourself killed you coulda at least called me.

[His voice has a strange edge to it. No, the Bird can't die, dammit, he's missed out on killing her once already....]

Why the hell would I do that? Your idea of a stylish death involves getting your face carved off so you can wear it as a mask later.

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cw: idk what to call this but it's gross

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cw: suicidal ideations

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cw: suicide enabling

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[After losing the Joker a second time, and then losing Ed a third time, Al has been uncharacteristically silent. Even the most optimistic of people has a breaking point and he reached his. He didn't have it in him to cheer everyone else on or, worse, to keep seeing the people he cares for suffering.

It's taken several days of silence and solitude but he's just about found his core of determination once more, just in time to see this.

Her smile makes his heart ache viciously.]

Steph... [How can she say it's worth it?] This isn't right, it's not worth it. It's-- it's never worth it. Never.

[ Oh, Al. More than anyone else, Steph feels like she's let Al down. There's just no way she's doing this in public view. ]

I had to do something, Al. I just... I can't take being powerless anymore.

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[ He knows it's past time. He knows there's nothing that can be done the moment he sees her, too. No one can save her. Nothing can break down those doors.

He's damn well tried. Twice.

And Kunsel had just... And here he had thought Al would have- where is he?

Doesn't really matter in the end where he is though, does it. Doesn't change the sight of the young lady sitting out in the snow. ]

You damn idiot. [ It comes out soft, more exhausted and achy than anything. He's not about to heavily berate her in what could likely be her last moments. She's a good kid- a good kid who shouldn't have to go like this. ]

[ She huffs a sigh. Al would have, which is why she didn't talk to him first. She's getting really good at not letting anyone stop her from making bad decisions. ]

Yeah, I know.

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[ Believe it or not, Sheena understands. She doesn't like it; but she understands. And now she knows why Steph never came to them.

Sheena would have tried to stop her. ]

Oh, Steph. Don't you know that your life isn't worth losing? Not for this place!

Not for this place. For me.

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